I'm grateful for my people...

Just finished visiting with very good friends. Going to ATL tomorrow to visit with more family that I love so much I can't put it in words. Christmas always reminds me of how much I miss being with all those people and how precious the visiting moments are. I love these lyrics to this Sara Groves' song...

And I wish all the people I love the most
Could gather in one place
And know each other and love each other well

And I wish we could all go camping
And lay beneath the stars
And have nothing to do and stories to tell
We'd sit around the campfire
And we'd make each other laugh remembering when
You're the first one I'm inviting
Always know that you're invited, my friend

Do you believe in magic?

I was involved in a typical conversation with Josh and my parents last night about other-worldly matters. A lot of families delve lightly into conversation and sometimes make small talk just to satisfy their obligation to "talk" as a family. My family plunges into the deepest of debates about existence, supernatural interactions, the differences between the qualities that make up who God is and the qualities that make up church people...ultimately, we plan to fix the world. Heavy topics and ones that would give most people indigestion or at least a headache over their dinner.

Last night we were talking about magic and the importance of the imagination. Josh has been reading GK Chesterton the last few weeks. I have not read Chesterton's writing in full, yet, but have heard various quotes from him over the years. What I have heard has touched on a deeply precious awareness I have always had of God's power and creativity. God's imagination. And His magic. Yes, I said magic.

A lot of Christians today despise that word. It's as if Christians can be sucked into some kind of inescapable darkness if they dare to think of magic. I love the term, especially in reference to God. To me, there is no other word to use when describing God's blend of beauty and power that lingers on everything He does or touches. Simply referring to Him as Creator is not enough. I can be creative. Referring to Him as powerful almost captures it but still, a machine can be powerful. It is His magic that makes Him impossible to clone or fully grasp. His "deeper magic".

I am constantly aware of the fact that my understanding of God and my analysis of God is very different from most Christians I have met. Most would probably think I am a heretic if I really felt free to be myself. It's not that I understand it all. It's not that I'm even close. (Maybe that's why I'm different-- because I don't claim to be able to fully explain God to you, nor do I think anyone should really try) Usually I find that I am different because I enjoy this life. I enjoy His creation and the fact that He chose to create me and bless me with the opportunity to interact with the rest of His creation. I enjoy the earth. I am amazed by it and I never want to leave. That's right. I never want to leave. And I hope that I've guessed correctly at God's plan, that I won't have to-- He's just going to clean it up a little and make it even better for us.
One day even our neglect and abuse to His creation will be untraceable. And, I hope we're not living on streets of gold (I'm not really that into gold-- I like silver more-- And I really don't enjoy streets). I hope I'm running through His overgrown (not mowed), green grass. And I hope the smokey mountains are smokey with the natural smoke again-- not the pollution that has replaced the natural mist. I hope my lungs will do a "double-take" at that first real breath they're able to take in, that's not coated with the film of human carelessness. No, I don't want to escape here. And more than seeing and experiencing all of that, I hope everyone I love is there with me too. No, not just my christian loved ones that have gone away. I want all my people with me. That's why I'm in no hurry to go anywhere. I have too much to do.

Life, even abundant life, is made up of all the beauty, cultural differences, even theological differences, myth, stories, humanity, the supernatural and everything in between that moves us along through our journey. It's the magic. There is no separation between these worlds and these elements. That's why its so magical. I don't have to see it to believe it. Sometimes I can't believe what I'm seeing. It's magical and it's here with us now. Sometimes, if we're awake enough we'll catch a glimpse of the stranger side of the supernatural. Sometimes the things that seem so natural are unexplainable when you really consider them. And I'm so glad I can't explain it all.

I liked this poem.

This poem was in The Writer's Almanac this morning. I liked it because in a warm way it touches at the heart of what many of us are facing this holiday season.

Christmas 1963
by Joseph Enzweiler

Because we wanted much that year
and had little. Because the winter phone
for days stayed silent that would call
our father back to work, and he
kept silent too with our mother,
fearfully proud before us.

Because I was young that morning
in gray light untouched on the rug
and our gifts were so few, propped
along the furniture, for a second
my heart fell, then saw how large
they made the spaces between them

to take the place of less. Because
the curtained sun rose brightly
on our discarded paper and the things
themselves, these forty years,
have grown too small to see, the emptiness
measured out remains the gift,

fills the whole room now, that whole year
out across the snowy lawn. Because
a drop of shame burned quietly
in the province of love. Because
we had little that year
and were given much.

Sharing a poem

I really enjoyed this poem included in this morning's edition of The Writer's Almanac. Enjoy and remember to share life and the beautiful grand earth this holiday season!

Six Billion People
by Tom Chandler

And all of you so beautiful
I want to bring you home with me
to sit close on the couch.

My invitation inserted in six billion bottles,
corked with bark from the final forest
and dropped in the ocean of my longing.

We would speak the language of no words,
pass the jug of our drunken joy
at being babies growing into death.

Sometimes, I know, life is stupid, pointless,
beside the point, but here's the point —
maybe we would fall

in love, settle down together,
share the wine, the bills,
the last of the oxygen and the remote.

A Black Friday Story

Good morning!
I am up early this morning baking bread for our Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Also, I am enjoying the early morning to myself, having rested well and not done much at my mother-in-law's house. Her home is always so quiet and relaxing to visit.
We got back into town last night around 5:30 at which point Josh went to the church to update the website and Lex and I went to Target (yes, I know, on Black Friday) to get groceries for today and buy him a christmas tree for his room. We chose a shiny silver fiber-optic tree for him. He was highly anticipating Daddy getting back home to open it and put it together for him. They did and he gladly went to bed with it glowing beautifully in his room last night.
So, I have a funny story about the fiber-optic purchase on Black Friday. They had the trees for $19.99. The choices were green or silver. There was, of course, only one green and like 6 silver ones. Well, as we approached the trees to decide, this other lady did too (at the same time, mind you). When she saw that there was only one green, she took it for herself and put it in her buggy and then just stood there, still contemplating whether she wanted it or not. I'm not even sure she knew whether she wanted a fiber-optic tree at all but in her Black Friday madness she panicked and greedily grabbed the remaining green tree. So, she didn't know whether she wanted it but she did know one thing-- she was NOT going to let me and the adorable, wide-eyed, christmas-awed toddler in my buggy have the only green fiber-optic tree left. I decided in my protest of never "bargain shopping" on Black Friday to ask Lex meekly, "They only have silver left. Do you like that one?" He, of course, was fine with either and I secretly hoped inside that some sort of conviction came over her about her greediness (even though, actually, I was also fine with either color-- but probably would have bought green if given the choice). I had planned to go get the rest of my purchases on the other side of the store and return before checking out to see if she had put the green one back on the shelf. We didn't. We were too excited to get home quickly and decorate for christmas. I don't think I would have bought the green one if she had replaced it since the silver had since grown on me and Lex had already taken ownership of it saying continuously through the store, "my pissus tee". Still, I would have laughed...maybe even out loud.
Lex loved his silver tree and I did too. It reminds me of the aluminum trees that Charlie Brown and Linus bang on in their search for the perfect christmas tree.
My house is cozy and softly lit with christmas lights this morning. Lex went to bed before we decorated everything last night so I am anticipating his excitement when he awakes to find all the "pissus wights".

Experiencing this second pregnancy

Lex- just a day old.

This pregnancy has been so interesting to me, as it is my second. Besides the fact that my life is totally different from the last time (I am not living in a trailer in the graveyard cities of hurricane Katrina, I have a toddler to chase after and my family is close), it has been a very different experience just because I have done it already once before. I know what happens from month to month as the 9 months progress. Its easier in the sense that the discomforts feel like old hat this time and I'm not as anxious about what I should and shouldn't eat or do.

Still, what has been amazing to me is my remaining infatuation with the whole thing. Some people don't like being pregnant. Some people have good reason for this because their bodies freak out and torture them the whole 9 months. Some people just really feel fearful and out of control about not being their pre-pregnancy selves anymore. They can't seem to embrace the beauty that pregnancy gifts women with. I am opposite. I LOVE being pregnant. Sure, the last month and a half are long and seem to never end but there's a reason for that. Your body wants you to be willing to do whatever it takes to shed the weight of that baby and all the extra fluid. The other 7.5 months are remarkable and beautiful.

I thought that this time I would not be able to be amazed by it...like maybe I was pregnant too recently with my first. Not so. The first kicks I felt, those private ones that no one else is able to feel, that communication that's just between mommy and baby, sent such giddiness through me. I love it that I'm the only one that can feel those little "flicks". Then this week as baby apparently moved from below the belly button to above, made them visible to all who wanted to see...when Cole got hiccups last night-- hilarious!

The most amazing part of all that still blows my mind-- the fact that there is a small human being forming wonderfully and completely inside me and I, no matter how healthy I eat, no matter how much rest I get and no matter how much I dream about it, cannot do a thing. Whether God is using his own crafty hands to form each organ, bone and muscle or whether He is just sitting back marveling every time a baby forms at the perfect system He has designed, He is in control. There's nothing I can do yet somehow there is a perfect system of living complexity forming in there. That is phenomenal!

I was listening to Hillsong's newest album (i think, unless they have come out with another one this month...haha...can't keep up!), This Is Our God, and this song spoke to me this morning.

Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow